I can't leave you

Hello there, I haven't been bloging for awhile, so I thought it would be a good idea to blog right now.
So last few days I've been home. All the time. Tidying rooms and taking care of my brother and sister.
I'm not sure what am I going to do this last summer months, but I hope i wnt have to sit at home and watch at the laptop screen waiting for something happen.
I really do hope I can go to põlva and tartu
Also I'm waiting for 27th, first of all, it's Olgas bday and secondly I get a change to see Greta and Fata.
It'd be nice.


I'm tired of all the drama and bullshit that has been going on lately.
I just wish it would all end. Because right now, it's taking every piece of the ''happy'' me.
And 1 month of ths shitty summer. fya, i'd say.


Right now i keep on watching supernatural, 'cause it's the only thing to do right now.
Because right now, I don't even have someone to talk. Everyone is busy and everyone has problems, so no way i want to ... disturb them.


Well, keep your hopes high and your head down low.


take care!








--------

Hei, ma ei ole blogind mõnda aega, nii et ma arvasin, et see oleks hea mõtepraegu midagi blogida.
Ühesõnaga viimase paari päeva jooksul olen olnud kodus. Kogu aeg. koristanud tube ja hoolitusenud mu venna ja õe eest.
Ma ei tea, mida ma teen selle viimase suvekuu jooksul, kuid ma loodan et ei pea kodus istuma ja arvuti ekraani passima ning ootama, et midagi huvitavat juhtuks.
Ma tõesti loodan, et saan minna Põlva ja Tartu
Samuti ma ootan 27ndat. Esiteks, see on Olga bday ja teiseks ma saan  näha Greta ja Fata.
See oleks tore.

Ma olen väsinud draamast ja jamadest mis on viimasel ajal toimunud.

Ma lihtsalt soovin, et see kõik lõppeks. Sest praegu, see võtab iga tükikese ''rõõmsast'' minust.

Ja 1 kuu seda pasasuve, fya,ma ütleks.

Praegu ma jätkan ' Supernaturali' vaatamist, sest see on ainus asi mida teha.

Sest praegu, mul pole isegi kedagi, kellega rääkida.Kõik on hõivatud, kõigil on probleeme, seega ei mingil juhul tahan ma neid... segada/tüüdata.

Well, hoidke lootus kõrgel ja pea madalal.

Hoidke end!

tomorrow's/Today's plans

• Move
• Buy chips
• Talk to mom about going to Põlva, again. YES MOM, AGAIN.
• Play RUA
• Chat on msn
• Make Elary's day
• Need candy
• Get some things 
• Talk to one person

That's all for NOW.
Meh, I need money, I need job. FML FML FML.

Boredomnes and also, huge dramas going on lately. But I've made my choices now.
I know what I want and who I want. And no one can stop me, because, I'm-so-sorry, but it's my life. It's now or never, I ain't going to live forever ~
Yes, random. I know. No hate plz.
I'd add some pics, but I don't know which ones. I guess I'll search something.

And also. Elary, vabanda, et selline munn olin, kuid ma tõesti ei tahtnud ja ma loodan, et andestad. Oled kõige kallim, minu pai.<3


Yes, you probably think why did I add this one sentence in estonian, well, It's for my boyfriend. And meow meow meow.
Yes, Now i've noticed, that every sentence[almost every] starts with yes, lol.

Anyways, yes trip to otepää, was...a bad trip.
Lots of drama and shit.
Never again.
NEVER.

Well, I guess I'll end this long idiotic post, and keep on playing RUA and make some tea. EVEN THO IT'S FUCKING HOT.

Bye bye!

Call me when you're sober

There has been so much problems with alcohol lately. Today I heard some things that made me pretty sad also I'm a bit dissapointed. Promises, promises and also, whores. Not the ones you buy, the ones who are, well, for free and they run to you.

Anyways, yesterday, on 15 july. I went out with Kristiina, Madis, Birgit and Laura.
We hanged out and so on. It was pretty fun. Laughed and so.
Later I went home, for a sec, and when I went back, no one was there, lol.
Anyways, I spent my night with a little drama and a little lonelyness.

Now I'm just waiting for tomorrow, going to Tartu, and then Otepää.


Well, that's all for now. Bye.



---------

Viimasel ajal on alkoholiga nii palju probleeme olnud. Täna kuulsin asju mis tegd mind veidi kurvaks ja ka panid mind mõnesmõttes pettuma.  Lubadused, lubadused ja ka hoorad.Mitte need, kes on ostetavad vaid need, kes sinu juurde ise jooksevad, lausa tasuta.

Igatahes, eile, 15 juuli, läksin Krissu, Madise, Brigiti ja Lauraga välja.

ja eelnevat juba teate, lihtsalt lisan paar detaili, et lõbus oli ja rahvast tuli juurde, kohal olid Joonas, Sass, Ilja, Madis, Birgit, Reinart jne. Oeh ma ei jõua neid ära nimetada. Nad jõid, ma niisama ajasin rahvaga juttu ja üritasin neid täis joota. Lol

Hiljem läksin korra koju, et viia süüa, ja siis tagasi, aga kui jõudsin, siis neid enam polnud, seega tagasi koju, nola, drama jne. : D Aga asjad on lahenenud seega everything is A okay. : D

Nüüd lihtsalt ootan homset. Tartu ja otepää.

Olgu, cya!

3000

trust

I have only few people i can trust. And that's in all honesty.
I'm afraid of people and that's why it's hard to trust them.

Right now, my lovely, is at a party and having a great time. Heard some things and i'm proud and also, I can trust him with every bone, with all my soul, with every breath I take. And trust, is what a relationship really needs.
I hope you're happy there, can't wait to see you, I fckn miss you.

Now that I've got my things straight, I'm pretty happy. Also I'm getting back to the old me. The one who really didn't drink and all that kind of things. Drinking is good, sometimes, at least, for me.

Well, actually I had a great day. Met up with Kristiina, Madis and Birgit. Talked, they drank and I just chilled and talked with them. Later some more people arrived and that's when all the things started to happen. But I'll write later all about that.

Well, I'm trying to sleep now, which is kinda... hard, lately.
But i'll give my best.

Take care guys.

-----------------------------------------------------

Mul on vaid paar inimest, keda võin usaldada. Ja seda kogu aususega.

Ma kardan inimesi ja sedavõrd on neid raskem ka usaldada

Hetkel, mu kallike on peol ja lõbutseb. Kuulsin osasid asju ja olen uhke, ausalt.Võin teda usaldada iga luuga, minu kehas, kogu hingega, ja iga hingetõmbega. Ja usaldus, on mida suhe tegelikult väga vajab.

Loodan, et oled seal õnnelik, ei jõua ära oodata kuna sind juba näen, kohutavalt igatsen sind.

Nüüd kui olen oma asjad paika saanud, olen üsna õnnelik. Samuti, ma olen tagasi muutunud mu ''vanaks minaks''. See, kes väga ei joonud ja kõike seda. Joomine on vahel hea, või noh, minu jaoks, kuid mitte koguaeg ja tihti.

Noh, mul oli tegelikult väga hea päev.Sain Kristiina, Madise ja Brigitiga kokku. Ajasime juttu, nemad jõid ja ma lihtsalt veetsin aega ja ajasin nendega juttu. Hiljem tuli rahvast juurde ja siis algasid igasugused asjad. Aga nendest, kirjutan ma veidi hiljem

Olgu, üritan nüüd magama minna, mis on viimasel ajal veidi.... raske, viimasel ajal.

Kuid annan oma parima!

Hoidke end!

Enthroned in Isolation.

This night went better than I expected.

It was fun, interesting and well, sleepless.

But I still worry a little. But not too much. Well, anyway, I hope someone will come and entertain me tonight, or I'm just going die in boredomness. And it's not even funny.

Also, I think that one person should make up it's mind. It's not a fucking game we're playing.

So you really should stop.

And I don't know what to write about.

As usual. Well today I'm heading to the city, to meet Kristiina, again. I hope everything ends up well, 'cause the weather sucks.

And oh, all the people reading my blog and going to Iisak's birthday, have a nice hangover.

And don't get fucked up, thanks.

Well that's all for NOW. 

I'm not really in the mood for anything. Fuck it.

Bye.

Where did I go wrong

So last few days I've been out everyday.
On tuesday I saw Kristiina and we went out to eat something. Then I got home and just had a great no life night.
On wednesday I saw the other Kristiina and we made some pictures, saw Laura and then Laura stayed for night. We went out for a walk and we had a great laugh. Also there were alot of weird people out.
Today I saw Kerli and her boyfriend. We went to tuvipark and talked about everything.
Then they went home, so did I, I made some dinner and then headed to meet up with Laura. And so here I am. Also on the way to Roca-al-mare there was some random dude, who came to talk with me. He asked if my septum hurt, I said no, and also showed him my tunnels and my snake bite scars. He said that I was a brootal chick, I just smiled. Then we talked about jobs and about Laura, that if she is coming or not. I just laughed. Also he asked do I want beer, I said no. Lol.
And now we're here, at Laura's listening to music and other stuff. Tomorrow I'm coing to meet up with Madis and Kristiina. I guess it's going to be FUN FUN FUN. : D

AND I'M STILL TOO LAZY TO WRITE ALL THAT IN ESTONIAN.You just have to know english or google translate it. Lol : D

Also... here's some pictures we made with Kristiina.

Why are you running away ?

hello again.
So last night Kristiina was here. We had a great day and a great night.
First of all, my day began like this.
I woke up, got myself ready and went to the trainstation. Some weird random dude stalked me there for awhile and then Kristiina arrived. We went to the navy and finally we got scared there and we left to go to ''tuvipark''
RANDOM FACT : I just saw a Lightning. Oh my gawsh. That was loud.
back to the topic. We saw Ossu, Ilja and some other dudes I did not know. Finally we tought it would be a great idea to go and take some pictures of Kristiina at Linnahall. After the photoshoot we went to rimi, just to buy 2 hairdyes for me. Black and white. So yes, I ended up to be a black and white chikita.
When we finally arrived home I made some bolognese and dyed my hair. Also we listened to the music and had a great time. At night, we thought that if Ilja calls us we will go at Aabu's, but he didn't so we ended up watching Mirrors 1&2. It was cool, but in the end I was really tired. So we went to sleep.
At morning(which, for us, was at 2 pm) I went to the store to buy some food and then more hairdye. How facinating right?
Anyways, Kristiina left, I was bored, went to the city, met up with Olga, talked for awhile. Left.
Now home. Anime and shit. And tomorrow. Idk. I just hope that Kerli calls. For real. ME-OW

Take care guys. :3


Ps. Honey, Ifuckingmissyou.

 Oh dear Alice. 

Good memories :3

Diamonds, rubies.

Well hello there again.

Today has been a really busy day, but atleast I have rooms done now. They look pretty and tidy.

I don't have any plans for tomorrow, but one, I hope Kristiina is coming here, and we can chat and have a great photohoot.

Also, I'm still planning on going to Tartu next week. It just depends when I get the money and how much of it. And also, how am I planning on going.

I really don't know what to blog about. I'm out of ideas, and every time I write here, please give me some ideas and topics. No one answers. So here you go. I have nothing to write about. 

I wish I could have something, but I don't.

Also, I should call Elary. He left me a missed call, I obiviously didn't hear the call. Ugh. 

Well, imma call him.

You guys take care. 

Buh bye!

The air was ment to be glitter

So, i promised Chen, that I'll start writing my blog in english and in estonian. So here it goes. I honestly give my best. And everyone who follows me and reads my blog. Hello. I really appreciate, that you really read it and you could also give me feedback. What should i change and what more I could talk about here.

So I decided tonight, that tonight I'll be the one who doesn't sleep. 

I just feel like being up all night, today. 

Also, I have few things I'm about to change about myself. 

I'm sorry if my english is bad, but I'm a bit tired, and it's hard to control myself.

Anyway, I still think what to do. But I thought It'd be a cute idea to go back to black again, but just add blonde/white fringe. And LONG hair. For real. I want to feel pretty for once in life.

I have huge insecurity problems, which means, I obiviously don't like the way I look. 

It will pass. I know. It just a mood, I know. But still, i need a change, and I don't like brunette on me.

Also, blonde is a challenge, and I might not like it. Why the hell did I changed my blonde then?

And the other colors like : red, pink, blue and so on.

Well I already know 2 persons who have pink hair right now, so no thanks, I feel like a copycat.

Red, my best friend is with red hair, and also, I've been red too much.

Blue, It's a HUGE challenge, 'cause it needs white. And I'd need TUBES AND TUBES of turquoise hairdye,

which will fade pretty fast. :c

So I'll stay with my black, like I had been with that for almost half of the year.

I really like it.

So anyways. I don't know, if I'm awake enough to write the same thing in estonian. I just hope you'll understand.

'Cause not today, I don't feel like writing in estonian, atm.

Ty.

But that's all I guess. Humm, yup, weird tho'.

I should get some good topics, what to write about.

You know what you should do ?

Just leave a topic, or a question, in my formspring ask. Thank you!

Here's my FORMSPRING

Okay, byebye for now.

Darlin'

This call is meant to be brief
a simple hello ending with goodbye
Then you say hello
now, I am melting
and now my goodbye 
becomes a goodnight
I don't mind if you don't mind
please say you do not mind if this call
goes on all night
cause I have more to say 
my afternoon was O.K.
my evening was fine but this night
I want it to be the best night
of our lives

Sweet Darling
this is my confession to 
the crimes of wanting you badly
And Darlin' if you're wondering
here's your answer 
yes I like you
I don't love you
I can't love you
yet

These calls are getting longer
and these nights go on 
and on and on forever
I do believe I'm getting better
knowing you 
hopefully all of you
Sitting watching movies
we both know I do not watch a bit of it 
cause I am much to busy 
leaving my hand close enough
so you'll hold it

And I can not stop thinking about you
I can not stop wondering 
if you're constantly
thinking about me
Don't close your eyes dear I'm still staring
I won't lie dear I'm still breathing
even though your beauty is breath taking






Heh, kõige veidram, see eesolev osa. Ma tõesti tundsin nii. Ja see on meeletult südamelähedane lugu. :3
Mulle nii meeldib.
Hea tuju nüüd jälle. Täna oli väga sisukas päev. : D

Esiteks, hommikul käisin poes ja tegin koheselt noortele pannkooke ja ajasime juttu ning naersime. Lõpuks kui linna poole hakkasin suunduma, sain teada, et buss käib nüüd mõnda aega mujalt. Seega kõndisin kesklinna. Sain linnas kokku Kätlini ja Lauraga. Jõin monsterit. Andsin Kätlinile sõrmuse üle. She liked it, like she told me. : D
Siis tatsusime Lauraga linna peal ringi ja üritasime tal raha välja võtta arvelt, aga ei saanud algul, sest me ei taibanud, et alla 10 € välja võtta ei saa. Dislike ofc.
Õhtul tulime minu poole, vahepeal tuli mingi random mees meie juurde ja küsis suitsu ja andis niiöelda vastutasuks šokolaadi. Mul polnud selle peale midagi öelda. Kas mul on tõesti selline nägu nagu mul oleks suitsu?
Lolwat.

Siis saatsin Laura trollile ja nüüd passin kodus, selles õudsas kuumuses ja plaanin mida teha. Kerli on tallinnas,mis tähendab, et ma arvatavasti lähen saan homme vb temaga kokku. Nom.


Ja ja ja, ma ei tea hetkel midagi tarka rääkida. Pea ulme valutab jälle, mis on vist tingitud kuumusest.  + mu jalg on imelik, kraksub ja imelikku tundega: D

Alrighty Allmighty.

Anti Impotentus.

I need your love like a boy need his mothers side

Päevad mööduvad ja mööduvad. Miski nagu ei muutu väga peale selle, et on uus päev ja tuju võibolla teistmoodi.
Praegu on plaanis minna järgmine nädal tartu või põlva. Igatahes, nende kahe vahel seiklen. Mul on tallinnast nii kopp ees, et ajab lausa südame pahaks. Igatahes, ühesõnaga, Tartust inimesed, öömaja on pakkuda?
Põlvas on olemas. :3

Hea lugu. Mulle meeldib, selline huvitav. 

Üheõnaga. Ma ei teagi millest kirjutada. 

Välimuse suhtes on mul ka palju plaane ja muutusi. Võtsin snake bite ära. Ei sobinud mulle, imo.

Jätsin alles septumi ja tunnelid, and you never know, järgmiseks on plaanis tattoo. Nom c:

Tahaks juba oma uusi tunneleid kätte saada. Võibolla ma ei peagi uut venitajat ostma, täna muutus kõrv naljakaks, which means, et teda on lihtsam venitada.

Oeh kuidas tahaks juba tartu ja põlva. Tahaks näha Elaryt, mis sest, et alles teda nägin. Lihtsalt tahan! 

Siis tahaks näha Gretat, Fatat, Kerlit, Marist, Mannut, Isabellat!! c: Mdea on keegi veel ? Anettet oleks ka armas näha c.

Oehjah. Pole nii ammu Tartus käinud. Pew.

Peaks endast ka kunagi pilte lisama. Hmm.

Cube

Ulme väsimus, vedelen voodis ja magama ka ei jää.
Kumbki meist ei räägi palju, aga see ei ole probleem. Ta teeb oma asju, ma oma. Seda tean, et ta on armas.
Täna suri ära Laura hamster Nana, kellega koos oli meil armsaid mälestusi
Hakkan mingeid filme vaatama vist. Või ronin telefoni ette ja vaatan, et vett saaks. Homme tuuakse veel asju juurde.
Aegajalt kogun bände juurde mida kuulata, sest vanad on nii läbi kuulatud juba, et kõrini on lausa.

Tiksun siin tlnas, mitte midagi erilist pole teha. Tööle minna ma ei taha, tahan puhata ja saada eemale tallinnast.

Ja ta ei tulegi laupäeval tallinna, tuju vajus ära. Kõik vajus ära. Ema on ka muutunud. On üsna tujukas ja endast väljas. See tähendab, et ta käitub minu ja teistega hoopis teistmoodi ja ma ei ole sellega harjunud ja tahaks vaid kodust ära. Tahaks ära, kaugele ära, ära kõigest.
Otseselt polegi probleeme kui vaid see, et mul on kõrini kõigest sellest SIIN.


Heh, öeldakse ju, et xanax peaks sul kõik ärevuse jne ära võtma. Mõtted peast ära ajama. 1mg xanax ja endiselt on mõtted jamad. Endiselt on mõtted negatiivsuse peal. Endiselt ajab kõik närvi ja endiselt ajab enamuse asjadest nutma. Tahan ma seda või ei.

Veedangi nüüd selle aja tallinnas üksi, sest ma ei viitsi kuskil tallinnas ringi chillata ja sõbrannade juures ööbimine on ka praeguseks üle visanud.

Vaatan, mis juua saab, teed või miskit.
Ja vaatan, võibolla suundun magama, sest mitte mingit tuju pole.
headööd.

 I fucking miss you

This time I'll take you

Nüüdseks olen kolinud. Paar asja on veel vana korteri peal. Uuest korterist saate pildid aga homme. Ilus ja armas koht on.

Tänane päev möödus rahulikult. Hommikul toodi nett, päeval magasin kella kolmeni, siis helistas Elary ja ajas mu üless, mis oli väga hea tegu tema poolt, muidu ma oleks maganud pool päeva maha. Aitäh kallis. : D
Siis hakkasin koristama ja tõin koju süüa.
nüüd aga plaanin minna Kristiina poole, ta üksi kodus, ja mul pole nkn kodus miskit teha. Vaatan vb jään ööseks sinna. Hommikul pean õikalt läbi ruttama ja oma dokumendid võtma. + ma proovin Laura poolt läbi käia ja mingid materjalid võtta, et ehteid teha. Meie kahe blogi on siin --- Laura&Kätlin

Olgu siis, eks ma vaatan kui midagi tarka on veel lisada, eks lisan.
Praegu tõmban uut muusikat ja kavatsen need läbi kuulata. Omnom. c:


Mingiaeg liigun tartu poole ka vast, mingi 10-12 vahemikus vist liiigun sinna, eks näis.

olge tublid!

<3 anything sweet is nice, you know











tatoveeringud on mu nõrkus.

You are the one

You'll never be alone again,
You're more than in my head.




täna läheb kolimiseks lahti, asjad on mul juba enam vähem koos ja mõtted on laiali.
Tahaks sinna ja tonna. Tahaks raha, et see kõik täide ka viia.
Õues on täna perfect ilm - mitte liiga palav, mitte liiga külm. Ja just nüüd pole teda siin. Nyah~
Kui aus olla, siis ma polegi elus midagi sellist kogenud, et võin end nii mugavalt tunda ühe teatud inimesega, kuid see on ju ainult hea. Eksole.
Eks plaanis on minna nüüd lähiajal tartu või siis põlva, eks näis, kuid tartu külastan kindlasti ära.
loodan, et need ülejäänud 2 kuud suvest ka super head tulevad, sest siis on jälle see kool ju. Nawh. :c
Why? Oh why.
Okei, tegelikult kui kool hea ja ma ilusti kohal käin on kõik hea c:
Ahja, üks asi veel. Seoses sellega, et kolin täna, pole ma õhtul enam msnis ja saan neti vast alles homme hommikul mingi kell 9. Aga praegu hetkel veel olen, seega rääkige oma jutud ära mulle.
Lisaks veel, kes huvitub, võib ju mind välja ka kutsuda, kuid eks ise teate. Ma pean vaatama ka, kas viitsin ja kuidas viitsin. Oleneb ilmast jne.

And to the anon who reads my blog, asi on selline, et asi pole kaugeltki nii hull, kui kirjeldasid. Ma tean mida teen ja kuidas teen, see pole sinu kommenteerida miks ja kuidas. Ja see, et vb kunagi msnis, või kus iganes ''nunnum ja armsam'' olin, well, see võis samahästi ka ju nagu mask olla. And oh also that, ma olen siiani selline, kes sõpradest väga hoolib, kui nad on väärt seda. Mul ei ole mingeid parimaid semusi 123. Ja kui aus olla on mul väga vähe sõpru. Aga mulle sobib nii. Olen siiani armas, aga ainult teatud inimestega, sest siis kui olin enne kõigi vastu hea, siis juhtus see, et mind kasutati ära, keerati mulle nuga selga ja hakati ülbeks minuga ja astuti pähe. So being nice wasn't nice at all.

See on vist hetkel kõik mida tahtsin siia öelda. Eks hoian teid kursis kuidas uues korteris on. Kas seal on hea and all that. Milline see on ja pildid juurde.

Olge paid.

Goodbye.

Well, Oh well.

Need kaks nädalat mis siin on nüüd möödunud on, on olnud väga sisukad ja huvitavad.
Homme on see kurikuulus päev kui kolin. Oi kui hea. Lõpuks ometi.
Need kaks nädalat olid Miku ja Elary siin.
Vahepeal oli dramat, arusaamatusi, pettumusi, aga selle trumpab üle see mõnus koos aja veetmine, see naer, see lõbu ja hoolivus.

Üks asi vaid- ma nii soovin, et see mis sai too õhtu öeldud on ka tõsi, sest see millega ma vastasin, tuli sügavalt südamest.

Praegu on see hetk, kus tunnen, et imelik on olla, veider ja harjumatu. Hubasus on puudu.

Õues on perfect ilm, vähemalt öösel. Hea soe ja mõnus lõhn. Ideaalne lihtsalt öösel väljas istumiseks ja kuskil seltskonnaga, kahekesi või siis täiesti üksi olemiseks.

 Jah, ma olen kasside järgi päris retard.